Dear Diary,
August 12. Moved to our new home in Maine. It is so beautiful here. The grasslands and hills are so serene and picturesque. Can hardly wait to see them with snow covering them. God's country... I love it here.

October 14. Maine is the most beautiful place on earth. The leaves are turning all different colors. I love the shades of red, yellow and orange. We went for a ride through some beautiful river bottoms and spotted some deer. They are so graceful, certainly they are the most peaceful animals on earth. This must be paradise... I love it here.

November 11. Deer season will start soon. I can't imagine anyone wanting to kill such an elegant creature. The very symbol of peace and tranquility. Hope it will snow soon... I love it here.

December 2. It snowed last night. Woke up to find everything blanketed with white. It looks like a postcard. We went outside and cleaned the snow off the steps and shoveled the driveway. We had a snowball fight (I won). When the plow came by, we had to shovel the driveway again. What a beautiful place. Mother nature in perfect harmony... I  love Maine.

December 12. More snow last night. I love it. The snowplow did his trick again (that rascal). A winter wonderland... I love it here.

December 19. More snow last night. Couldn't get out of the driveway to get to work this time. I'm exhausted from shoveling. Friggin snowplow!!

December 22. More of the white stuff fell last night. I've got blisters on my hands from shoveling. I think the snowplow man hides around the curve and waits until I'm done shoveling this driveway. Butt hole!!

December 25. "White Christmas" my busted butt! More Friggin snow. If I ever get my hands on the son-of-a-b*tchh who drives that snowplow, I swear I'll castrate the dumb b*stard. Don't know why they don't use more salt on the roads to melt the friggin ice.

December 28. More white stuff fell last night. Been inside since Christmas Day except for shoveling out the driveway after "snowplow Harry" comes every time. Can't go anywhere, car's buried in a mountain of white stuff. The weatherman says expect another 10" of the stuff tonight. Do you know how many shovels full of snow that is?

January 1. Happy  Friggin New Year! The weatherman was wrong (again). We got 34" of the white stuff this time. At this rate it won't melt before the 4th of July. The snowplow got stuck up the road and the stuff head had the balls to come to the door and ask to borrow my shovel. After I told him I've broken 6 shovels already shoveling all the sh*t he pushed into the driveway, I broke my last one over his ' Friggin head.

January 4. Finally got out of the house today. Went to the store to get food and on the way back, a Gosh darn deer ran in front of the car and I hit the b*stard. Did about $3,000 damage to the car. Those  Friggin beasts should be killed. Wish the hunters had killed them all last November.

May 3. Took the car to the garage in town. Would you believe the thing is rotting out from all the friggin salt they keep dumping all over the road. Car looks like a piece of crap.

May 10. Moved to Virginia. I can't imagine why anyone in their right friggin' mind would ever want to live in the God-forsaken State of Maine!